I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
