How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
