Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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