Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so let's talk penis.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
As shirtless as possible
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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