I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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