Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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