i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
