one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
