Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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