She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
