i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
