I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
