Someone shit on the floor
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
