thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
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It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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