bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
40s are totally the cure
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Randomize
