you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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