hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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