I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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