The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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