I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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