I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
