sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
