but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
