it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
