My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I need moral support for this bender
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
