By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
