You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
