do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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