Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
