ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
