it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
