I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
