belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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