you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
