MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I could make wine with my vomit
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
