I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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