I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
