Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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