i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
