First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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