It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
