R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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