I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
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Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
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I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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