i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
