I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
