I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
