remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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