u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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