The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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