i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
wow bdsm is so cute
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
