david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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