sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Are my feet made of real feet?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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