we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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