Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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