I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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