xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
