I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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