I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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