I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
