Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
