Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
