Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
