this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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