So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
