Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Rumble strips road head = magical
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
