do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
