Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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