When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize