when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
